Sunday, December 30, 2007

Making Dating Better

I think the great thing about the Internet is that we can all help each other in certain ways. We can tell each other our own experiences with dating, and what to do and what not to do, and the best ways to do it.

I know I can always learn from others!

Blogsvertise is a great way to learn about new products and services and share them with others. It allows bloggers to take assignments and talk about products and services and whether they are good or not. You don't have to be positive about the products, just give an honest opinion. I have decided to sign up to learn about new things myself and to pass it on to my readers. And the extra money will come in handy for me! You don't get rich off of a service like this, but it helps to pay for the expenses connected with blogging.

Thanks for all who have been reading my blog. I think the coming months will be fun for all of us.

Happy Dater

Friday, December 28, 2007

Bad Date Led to Another Bad Decision?

After my bad date zero with the doctor, I felt bad the rest of the night and the next day. Who am I kidding? I felt bad a lot of the next week (of course not constantly and the feeling has been diminishing).

Why did I feel bad? To be honest, I am not sure, but it may just have had something to do with having an unpleasant interaction and his bad reaction to me. Many people would just say, so what?, but I am a co-dependant and people pleaser (although not nearly as bad as I used to be) so negative reactions really take a toll on me.

After stewing about it for some and feeling down in the dumps about it, I needed some positive feedback from a guy. This is the part that might be another bad decision: I emailed a guy I used to see. A guy that I was crazy about but who didn't really treat me the right way. I did it because I needed to hear some positive feedback about myself. He thinks I am hot. We have chemistry. I just needed to hear something from a man that was something not from that doctor. (The more I think about that doctor the more I think ewwwww. I think deep down he is difficult.)

My old flame didn't let me down. He responded by calling me "hot" and that he "couldn't wait to see me." Now I know he is full of s***, but it was what I needed to hear at that moment. It did the trick and cheered me up. I had not talked with him in so long, that I don't think I will get my hopes up about him again. I know he cannot follow through. But he did make me feel better, and that is worth something.

More Stuff

I had a very wierd date zero last week. Wine with a doctor at one of Nashville's trendy restaurants. His emails to me were witty, and we seemed to hit it off.

When I met him, he didn't bowl me over. Seemed mousy and introverted. He may have been disappointed in my looks too, who knows.

We started talking and did seem to hit it off, particularly when we talked about travel.

Things went downhill when he told me a story about his daughter. The story involves one of our national killing spree tragedies. She was OK; and that is good. He seemed perturbed by my comments that the local police in this vicinity should have responded quicker and that the school didn't seem to have a crisis plan in place.

He left in a huff. I'm sorry if I touched a sore point, but as a parent of a child there, I would have thought he would have agreed with me--that there should have been better preparedness and response time?????

Oh well, I think we wouldn't have hit it off anyway.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Sudden Divorce Syndrome

I read an article on about Sudden Divorce Syndrome--how one in four men who will get divorced this year will not see it coming.

The article goes on to say that women will stop talking about a relationship with their partner when they think the relationship is over. In other words, we stop talking, because it won't do any good.

Men however think that women have stopped talking (i.e. complaining) about the relationship because they are content. And that is why they don't see it coming.

The article suggests that men may want to try harder to salvage their marriage while it is still possible to do so.

Good advice, I say!

I once had a coffee "screener" date with a man who must have suffered from Sudden Divorce Syndrome, even though I hadn't heard that term yet.

He spent our whole coffee date talking about how he didn't see it coming. He was the walking wounded. I felt bad for him, I guess, but felt he shouldn't be out dating yet if he would spend a whole date talking about his divorce. From my point of view, that is pretty yuck.

He kept saying that his marriage was happy, his wife was happy, and so was he. I kept thinking, what is his problem that he had no clue how unhappy she was? I thought he must be terribly self centered to not even check the temperature of his marriage. I was right--he was self centered, and apparently so are at least 25 percent of divorced men. It really pays to work on relationships and care about what your partner thinks and feels.

Date Report

My date the other Friday night was fine. He was pleasant, refined, educated. He took me to a nice restaurant and walked me to my car. But it was not a match. He just doesn't seem to have any energy. Like a lot of men I have met on online dating, he seems worn out. He has had three marriages, and a ton of jobs (not sure why). His energy level is low; mine is high. I need someone who can keep up or outpace me, maybe a little bit.

All in all, it was a pleasant evening, and as they say, practice is good.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Date Friday Night

I have a dinner date on Friday night with a guy off match. He seems nice. The cons are I don't know what he does for a living or how sophisticated he is. Of course I don't know a lot of things about him since I haven't met him. He also contacted me a while back and said he was very interested, but when I replied a week later, he said he had met someone and wanted to see where it goes. (Bad on his part. He should have gone ahead and met me. )

The woman however, apparently turned out to be a next. He now wants to go out with me. I hope I can put the thought away that I turned out to be his second choice. I just don't like that fact though.

He seems nice, and he hales from the same area that I was born in and lived as a child. That is a positive as that locale is an important part of my history.

More later!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Finding a Guy in Nashville

According to Men's Health Magazine, for women over 35, finding love in Nashville is only half as difficult as finding it in San Jose, CA.

According to an item today on, the magazine "crunched numbers on seven categories that have a bearing on how great a city might be for finding guys.The categories are ratios of single men to single women and of gay to straight; divorce rates; fitness; philanthropy; education; and the thrill factor places where guys and girls do the kind of fun stuff that makes hearts race and bonds form."

Nashville ranked 51 on the list, and San Jose, number 1.

Hmmm. Does divorce rate mean more people get divorced in San Jose than in Nashville, opening up more possiblities??? The article does not explain that.

Here are some of the cities that jumped out at me on the list:

1) San Jose
9) Washington, D.C. (This surprises me--I used to hear there were more women than men in D.C.)
11) Charlotte, N.C. (Will have to tell my friend who lives there.)
17) New York City (Like D.C., this surprises me--had always heard there was a man shortage there. Maybe a realignment in these cities in the recent past??)
21) Anchorage (OK, no surprise there.)
51) Nashville (Glad my city made the list in the top half)
78) Memphis (Glad we beat Memphis in this.)
81) Pittsburgh (My other favorite city)
84) Cheyenne WY (very surprising--isn't this where all the cowboys live?)
90 Billings MT (well, if the cowboys aren't in Cheyenne and not in Billings, where are they?)
101) Buffalo, NY. (I guess this is why the show Matchmaker takes place there.)

Online Activity

One thing that I find ineffective with men's responses in online dating: They seem to want immediate reaction/gratification. Such as in if they email you and want to meet you, they want to meet you NOW!

The problem is, most women, including myself, want to meet someone, but we can't always rearrange our lives to meet you today or tomorrow. I don't know how many times someone has emailed me, wanting to get together right away, and when I say I can't get together for a few days or a week, I don't hear from them again.

What that tells me is that you are not that interested to begin with, and then why should I bother? If you can't even wait a week to meet someone you say you are interested in?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Did I Say I Was a Sucker for Love Reality Shows?

Yes, I think I did. I came home from my law society dinner and turned on the TV. Guess what? It was the "After the Final Rose Ceremony Show." I just love this stuff. I have never seen an episode of this latest season. I thought it was on Monday nights, when I have class. I don't have class on Tuesdays. Have I missed a whole season unbeknownst to me?

Well, anyway, apparently, the season is over, and the latest bachelor didn't choose either of the two finalists. I missed the discussion with the runner-up. But I did see the discussion with the finalist whom everyone thought had won Brad's heart.

He said he thought it was the right thing to not choose either one. He had not fallen in love. Well that is right and if that is the case, then that makes sense. However, he came off badly. He could have explained it better. And as to the girl......NEXT!
Do not waste time on men who do not love you and do not want to be with you. (I have finally learned this after year of heartache.) Move on!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

The Evil Drink

One lobster emailed me and seemed fine. His picture was so-so, but his profile seemed nice, especially since he said he was liberal, which is very rare on in Nashville, TN. There are too many conservatives for my taste.

I didn't email him back right away, just because I was busy. OK, I do have a policy about not emailing back right away--I like to wait 24 hrs at least. But I think I waited a little longer than that. He wrote me back wondering if I didn't like his picture. I have to admit that hit me wrong--that maybe he was a little too sensitive or that he didn't have good self esteem??? He could have just been kidding, but that is not how I took it.

I wrote back and said no that I thought his picture was fine, but that I wondered about something else. He put on his profile in big letters at the very top that he did not drink alcohol. I do drink alcohol--not in excess, but I do enjoy wine and beer, and it is not a problem for me. I go to a lot of functions that include alcohol.

I said to him that I noticed he did not drink alcohol and I did. Would that be a problem?

He wrote back and said he knew the evils of alcohol and that it was too early to ask me not to drink.

Yes, of course. I don't think that would be appropriate at all.

I am sorry that he has a problem with alcohol, but many people don't. He is going to have to learn how to co-exist with those who do drink.

Of course, a partner of his could choose not to drink. But that would have to come from a place of deep concern for him, which you do not just to get right away. Wouldn't it be better for him to learn how to live in this world? Since the temptation is all around--it seems that would be the better route than to ask someone else not to do it.

Friday, November 16, 2007

I am a Sucker for Love Reality Shows

I know for sure I am a lost cause now. I was cleaning house tonight with the TV on. Wasn't sure what was on, so did a bit of surfing. Landed on VH1 and there was a new reality show on--A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. I have no friggin idea who Tila Tequila is, but tuned into the show just as she was doing the "rose" ceremony, but in this case, it is the "key" ceremony. Of course, that hooked me right away. I guess the unique thing about this show is that she must be bi--because there are both men and women in the running for the "shot at love." She let both men and women go. At the end of the episode, the last two women got into a serious cat fight. I found all of this interesting, even though I have no idea who the players are. I am a lost cause!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Another Date Zero

It has been a while since I posted. I had a little barren ground with online dating, and then I got a few good responses right in a row. One was from a physician, quite a bit older than me, but interesting and liberal. His photos looked nice and we decided to meet today.

Well, it seems I have no luck right now. Although he is the of the right politcial persuasion, he goes too far. Now that is wild for me to say, as I often go too far in expressing my ideas. I don't have a lot of tolerance for conservative nonsense. Well, he takes it a step too far to the point that he seems to be non approachable. I found it wierd as I am probably one of the few people he has run into that share his views, and yet he was sort of repelling me. Like he had a barrier up. It is a shame--we could have had an easier time talking about the things we believe in, but I felt that he was keeping himself apart.

Finding someone is so hard.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

No Follow Through

I have given up on this one lobbie--he has been emailing me on for about a month. He says he wants to meet me, and has made some weak attempts to meet me, but no follow through.

For example, he said last Wed. how about we meet for coffee this Sunday? I wrote back and said, "Coffee on Sunday is fine, but not too early because that is my only day to sleep in."

Nothing back from him. Nothing! If he wanted to meet me, he should have gotten back to me with some plans--where and when?

Why do guys not know this? Women want men who step up to the plate.

I think this is it for him. I don't want to play this dumb game. I want to meet someone who can make plans.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

First DZ Completed

Well, I went on my first DZ, or date zero, since I rejoined The report is a mixed bag. He was funny, witty, smart, well off apparently, was easy to talk with, and seemed interested in me and what I have been doing.

So what is the prob, you ask?

Well, he is much shorter than I thought. He said in his profile he was an inch taller than me, which is fine, but he seemed several inches shorter than me. And my heels were only an inch high. I am not that into height, but this is too short for my comfort zone.

A wierd twist is that he was married to someone I went to high school with and didn't particularly like. She was a member of the cheerleading, popular druggie crowd. KnowhudImean? And I liked some of her friends even less than I liked her. I did not let on to him that I knew her, and was sketchy about what year I graduated from high school. So not sure if he has been able to figure it out himself.

So, I don't think it is going to happen. But isn't that just the darndest???? One of the wierdest things has been to try to see them together in my mind's eye. I can't see them together for the life of me. I guess that is why they are no longer together. But why were they together in the first place?

Saturday, October 6, 2007

First Meeting Tomorrow

Tomorrow evening I have my first DZ, or date zero, with a new person off, who also happens to be my first person to meet since joing up again.

We are going for wine at one of my favorite restaurants, so that will be nice. From what I can tell, he must live in my same area, or at least spend a lot of time there, since he knows so much about the restaurants here. And that is a good thing. My neighborhood is urban and great and vibrant. Anyone who likes my neighborhood is a good first start.

He is very witty in his emails. I hope he is the same in person. When I did online dating before, I had been corresponding with one man who was brilliant in emails and boring beyond belief in real life. So hope that doesn't happen again.

I also hope he is not a nerd. He looks nice in his photo, but not really my type, but possibly. He could be a riot--but he could also be a nerd. I will not date nerds, so hope he is not one of those.

One other thing that could be problematic--he says in his profile he is conservative, and I say that I am middle of the road. Truth of the matter is that I am really liberal. I just didn't want to scare people off. I will not be dogmatic with him about this though. Maybe he is not too wedded in his beliefs. The problem is, I am wedded in mine. But I want to get to know him first. I don't want political beliefs to be a wedge between us from the get-go.

I will report back after tomorrow!

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Poof is what happens when men just disappear. Poof! A small puff of smoke, a little tiny breeze, and they are just gone!

The first guy who contacted me after I rejoined match has poofed. I am a little confused about that one. He emailed quickly the first few go-arounds and then he said he was closing out his match account. Shortly after, he just kind of stopped emailing back. I thought we had enough in common that he would at least want to meet. Just seems wierd.

Another guy that seemed nice has also stopped emailing me. I am kind of disappointed about this one. He sort of looks like BM, a pivotal figure in my life, which is a good thing, and I thought that might be a good omen. But, oh well.

A third guy seemed very interested. But also showed typical guy behavior. Sort of hints at going out, then says he would like to meet me but understands if I am unsure of him. Last week we briefly talked about going out for dinner either Tue or Wed, but he doesn't follow up or confirm, so those days go by without plans.

I said feel free to ask me out, so he asked me out for tomorrow night, but I am going out of town. I told him this and haven't heard back from him. I am sure he thinks I am jerking him around, but I am not. I told him I could go out next Friday night. Seems as if he is serious about wanting to meet me, he would go ahead and say he would like to go out next Friday. You can't wait till last minute to make dates, or the nights fill up with other plans.

Listen up men: women like men who put the effort out to ask us out. Please don't waffle and talk about asking us out and sit and stress over it or email about it to death. Just ask us out. Make a plan several days in advance and stick to it. That will impress us more than you know.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

The Waiting Game

On, I am now emailing back and forth with a few people who seem to be good prospects. The problem is: what next? The last time I did, I did meet quite a few people in person, even found one guy I was crazy about, but most people just seem to like to email.

Sorry, but I do not have time for that. I do not need penpals! I know this is a complaint of many women doing online dating--that men just seem to want a cyber relationship.

Hopefully not this time around. But the first man who contacted me and seems to be a good match, has not emailed back in a few days. hmmmmm???? I will not email him again until I hear back. This is one of the hard parts--waiting to see if they really materialize.

I have had too many of those situations in my life when people didn't materialize, and I am not going to spend any more time on them. Once I figure out they are holding back for some reason, I will "next" them.

My biggest example of this is when I was doing online dating last time. A man from my hometown area in PA contacted me, not knowing I was also from that area. We had a nice correspondence for quite a while. I told him that it might surprise him to know that I was also from that area, and I was planning a trip up there in a few weeks to visit my relatives. Well, suddenly this man had a "sick mother" in NJ and wasn't going to be able to meet me. I never heard from him again. What gives?????? Friends have told me he was either really married or weighed 500 pounds or something like that and couldn't meet. That is probably why he picked me out to begin with--I am 700 miles from where he is and he couldn't have known I had ties to his town!

What is a girl supposed to do!!???

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Confessions of a Matchmaker

Does anyone else watch that show? It is on A&E. I catch most episodes and enjoy it. I wish there were a matchmaker like that in my city. (Maybe there is and I don't know it.) I would love to have someone observe me in an objective way and tell me what I could do to be better at dating and finding love.

The show takes place in Brooklyn. The matchmaker will have a customer come in and talk about their dating history, and gets an idea of what he/she needs help with. Invariably at least one of the characters per show has this problem with going to "Chippewa Street." I have never been to Brookly and Chippewa St., but apparently it is a place where very young people go, like 20 and under. ????? I guess it must be one of those places where only freshmen and sophomores go. The matchmaker's clients are all older than that, and she says they shouldn't be hanging out there anymore, and they sure don't need to tell their dates that they do. That it shows a lack of maturity, she says.

It got me thinking, is there a Chippewa St. in Nashville? I don't think so. The hot spots are Hillsboro Village, Elliston Place, and 2nd Avenue, and people of all ages go there. The closest I can come to what a Chippewa St. would be would maybe be "The Strip" in Knoxville near UT. The Strip attracted freshmen--I went there as a freshmen, but have to say that even as an older colllege student I lost interest and starting going to other hot spots. I can see her point--it probably wouldn't be cool for a 30ish or 40ish or older person to hang out on The Strip. I just don't hear it being a problem often, like it seems it is on her show.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Seeing another old flame

I went to an event tonight and saw the love of my life. We dated off and on, but I took it more seriously than he did. I spent too many years pining over him. Yet after all this time, I see him and still wonder why. I still think he was the right one. But in talking to him tonight, he didn't seem particularly interested in what I was doing and seemed distracted. All bad signs on the interest meter. Not that I thought after all this time, he would suddenly re-discover me yet again. (Or did I?) We have traveled down that path before, with his rediscovering me, only to be re-involved, and then re-uninvolved.

He is still not involved with anyone else, at least not seriously.

And I still feel sad that we did not work out. And I still wonder why.


Speaking about the other man from my past that I posted about last time, he did seem to step up the connection a little bit the other night. I don't want to put too much hope in this, as it could go nowhere. I'll update on this regularly.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Emailing Me to Death

A man from my past reappeared about a year ago. In college, he sent me anonymous love notes and then flirted with me, and it was fun. I didn't take it very seriously, because I didn't know him at the time, and I had other things on my mind. We went out once, but I felt a little awkward, because I thought he was wilder than me, so I kind of kept a little distance. We floated away from each other, and I don't even remember seeing him that much during the remaining years of college.

I did run into him at a party about 7 years later and he looked so together, I was sorry I didn't try harder in college to get to know him. But at that time, he was married and had a baby.

Zoom up to last year. I saw im at a restaurant and thought I would say something to him. He was happy to see me, and we exchanged email addresses. He is now divorced.

Long story short, he emails me all the time, but that is it. No effort to try to see me. I have mentioned several times--why don't we meet for a glass of wine or coffee? He'll say yes, send me some good times. I have done that, and there is no follow up.

I am so discouraged about this. There must be some reason he is not following through. He will say there is so much about me he wants to know, but takes no steps.

I am tempted to stop answering his emails. They are starting to annoy me.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

A New Lobster in the Pot

I have a new lobster, or lobbie, as women call online prospects. One of the first guys who have contacted me might actually be a good prospect. He is within my age range, has my political leanings (left), has a graduate degree like I do, and is interested in community and environmental work.

He winked at me first, and I winked back. (This is death according to The Rules. I only do Rules light, so I am not strict with prototcol. Winks, they say are a no-no.)

But despite my winking back, he has stepped up to emailing me. And I have emailed back. Now he wants to use real email addresses and he is canceling his match membership. I doubt this is because of me though--he is probably using a trial membership or is at the end of a month and doesn't want to renew.

I am happy that he contacted me, and hope that it will progress to meeting. He seems very nice. More updates later!

Monday, September 3, 2007

Hey All You On-Line Daters!

After a six-month hiatus from, I am back on with a new photo and refreshed text. I had taken my profile off to save money and also because I had become disappointed with the people who were contacting me. Match offered me a deal I couldn't turn down, so there I am back up!

I thought it might be fun to report on who contacts me, who I meet, and so on. I would love for people to offer feedback and to comment about their own experiences on my site.

I hope match is more fruitful this time. I would love to meet a guy who interests me and "doesn't drive me crazy," and vice versa. It is really hard to connect.

My first anecdote is that one man who last time constantly winked and emailed me, and who had tried to meet me with me twice, but who both times backed out at the last minute, has been emailing and winking at me again. And my profile hasn't been up for even two days! After the second time he backed out on me, I started ignoring his messages. This time I might just block him.