After my bad date zero with the doctor, I felt bad the rest of the night and the next day. Who am I kidding? I felt bad a lot of the next week (of course not constantly and the feeling has been diminishing).
Why did I feel bad? To be honest, I am not sure, but it may just have had something to do with having an unpleasant interaction and his bad reaction to me. Many people would just say, so what?, but I am a co-dependant and people pleaser (although not nearly as bad as I used to be) so negative reactions really take a toll on me.
After stewing about it for some and feeling down in the dumps about it, I needed some positive feedback from a guy. This is the part that might be another bad decision: I emailed a guy I used to see. A guy that I was crazy about but who didn't really treat me the right way. I did it because I needed to hear some positive feedback about myself. He thinks I am hot. We have chemistry. I just needed to hear something from a man that was something not from that doctor. (The more I think about that doctor the more I think ewwwww. I think deep down he is difficult.)
My old flame didn't let me down. He responded by calling me "hot" and that he "couldn't wait to see me." Now I know he is full of s***, but it was what I needed to hear at that moment. It did the trick and cheered me up. I had not talked with him in so long, that I don't think I will get my hopes up about him again. I know he cannot follow through. But he did make me feel better, and that is worth something.