Poof!

Poof is what happens when men just disappear. Poof! A small puff of smoke, a little tiny breeze, and they are just gone!

The first guy who contacted me after I rejoined match has poofed. I am a little confused about that one. He emailed quickly the first few go-arounds and then he said he was closing out his match account. Shortly after, he just kind of stopped emailing back. I thought we had enough in common that he would at least want to meet. Just seems wierd.

Another guy that seemed nice has also stopped emailing me. I am kind of disappointed about this one. He sort of looks like BM, a pivotal figure in my life, which is a good thing, and I thought that might be a good omen. But, oh well.

A third guy seemed very interested. But also showed typical guy behavior. Sort of hints at going out, then says he would like to meet me but understands if I am unsure of him. Last week we briefly talked about going out for dinner either Tue or Wed, but he doesn't follow up or confirm, so those days go by without plans.

I said feel free to ask me out, so he asked me out for tomorrow night, but I am going out of town. I told him this and haven't heard back from him. I am sure he thinks I am jerking him around, but I am not. I told him I could go out next Friday night. Seems as if he is serious about wanting to meet me, he would go ahead and say he would like to go out next Friday. You can't wait till last minute to make dates, or the nights fill up with other plans.

Listen up men: women like men who put the effort out to ask us out. Please don't waffle and talk about asking us out and sit and stress over it or email about it to death. Just ask us out. Make a plan several days in advance and stick to it. That will impress us more than you know.

The Waiting Game

On match.com, I am now emailing back and forth with a few people who seem to be good prospects. The problem is: what next? The last time I did match.com, I did meet quite a few people in person, even found one guy I was crazy about, but most people just seem to like to email.

Sorry, but I do not have time for that. I do not need penpals! I know this is a complaint of many women doing online dating--that men just seem to want a cyber relationship.

Hopefully not this time around. But the first man who contacted me and seems to be a good match, has not emailed back in a few days. hmmmmm???? I will not email him again until I hear back. This is one of the hard parts--waiting to see if they really materialize.

I have had too many of those situations in my life when people didn't materialize, and I am not going to spend any more time on them. Once I figure out they are holding back for some reason, I will "next" them.

My biggest example of this is when I was doing online dating last time. A man from my hometown area in PA contacted me, not knowing I was also from that area. We had a nice correspondence for quite a while. I told him that it might surprise him to know that I was also from that area, and I was planning a trip up there in a few weeks to visit my relatives. Well, suddenly this man had a "sick mother" in NJ and wasn't going to be able to meet me. I never heard from him again. What gives?????? Friends have told me he was either really married or weighed 500 pounds or something like that and couldn't meet. That is probably why he picked me out to begin with--I am 700 miles from where he is and he couldn't have known I had ties to his town!

What is a girl supposed to do!!???

Confessions of a Matchmaker

Does anyone else watch that show? It is on A&E. I catch most episodes and enjoy it. I wish there were a matchmaker like that in my city. (Maybe there is and I don't know it.) I would love to have someone observe me in an objective way and tell me what I could do to be better at dating and finding love.

The show takes place in Brooklyn. The matchmaker will have a customer come in and talk about their dating history, and gets an idea of what he/she needs help with. Invariably at least one of the characters per show has this problem with going to "Chippewa Street." I have never been to Brookly and Chippewa St., but apparently it is a place where very young people go, like 20 and under. ????? I guess it must be one of those places where only freshmen and sophomores go. The matchmaker's clients are all older than that, and she says they shouldn't be hanging out there anymore, and they sure don't need to tell their dates that they do. That it shows a lack of maturity, she says.

It got me thinking, is there a Chippewa St. in Nashville? I don't think so. The hot spots are Hillsboro Village, Elliston Place, and 2nd Avenue, and people of all ages go there. The closest I can come to what a Chippewa St. would be would maybe be "The Strip" in Knoxville near UT. The Strip attracted freshmen--I went there as a freshmen, but have to say that even as an older colllege student I lost interest and starting going to other hot spots. I can see her point--it probably wouldn't be cool for a 30ish or 40ish or older person to hang out on The Strip. I just don't hear it being a problem often, like it seems it is on her show.

Seeing another old flame

I went to an event tonight and saw the love of my life. We dated off and on, but I took it more seriously than he did. I spent too many years pining over him. Yet after all this time, I see him and still wonder why. I still think he was the right one. But in talking to him tonight, he didn't seem particularly interested in what I was doing and seemed distracted. All bad signs on the interest meter. Not that I thought after all this time, he would suddenly re-discover me yet again. (Or did I?) We have traveled down that path before, with his rediscovering me, only to be re-involved, and then re-uninvolved.

He is still not involved with anyone else, at least not seriously.

And I still feel sad that we did not work out. And I still wonder why.


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Speaking about the other man from my past that I posted about last time, he did seem to step up the connection a little bit the other night. I don't want to put too much hope in this, as it could go nowhere. I'll update on this regularly.

Emailing Me to Death

A man from my past reappeared about a year ago. In college, he sent me anonymous love notes and then flirted with me, and it was fun. I didn't take it very seriously, because I didn't know him at the time, and I had other things on my mind. We went out once, but I felt a little awkward, because I thought he was wilder than me, so I kind of kept a little distance. We floated away from each other, and I don't even remember seeing him that much during the remaining years of college.

I did run into him at a party about 7 years later and he looked so together, I was sorry I didn't try harder in college to get to know him. But at that time, he was married and had a baby.

Zoom up to last year. I saw im at a restaurant and thought I would say something to him. He was happy to see me, and we exchanged email addresses. He is now divorced.

Long story short, he emails me all the time, but that is it. No effort to try to see me. I have mentioned several times--why don't we meet for a glass of wine or coffee? He'll say yes, send me some good times. I have done that, and there is no follow up.

I am so discouraged about this. There must be some reason he is not following through. He will say there is so much about me he wants to know, but takes no steps.

I am tempted to stop answering his emails. They are starting to annoy me.

A New Lobster in the Pot

I have a new lobster, or lobbie, as women call online prospects. One of the first guys who have contacted me might actually be a good prospect. He is within my age range, has my political leanings (left), has a graduate degree like I do, and is interested in community and environmental work.

He winked at me first, and I winked back. (This is death according to The Rules. I only do Rules light, so I am not strict with prototcol. Winks, they say are a no-no.)

But despite my winking back, he has stepped up to emailing me. And I have emailed back. Now he wants to use real email addresses and he is canceling his match membership. I doubt this is because of me though--he is probably using a trial membership or is at the end of a month and doesn't want to renew.

I am happy that he contacted me, and hope that it will progress to meeting. He seems very nice. More updates later!

Hey All You On-Line Daters!

After a six-month hiatus from match.com, I am back on with a new photo and refreshed text. I had taken my profile off to save money and also because I had become disappointed with the people who were contacting me. Match offered me a deal I couldn't turn down, so there I am back up!

I thought it might be fun to report on who contacts me, who I meet, and so on. I would love for people to offer feedback and to comment about their own experiences on my site.

I hope match is more fruitful this time. I would love to meet a guy who interests me and "doesn't drive me crazy," and vice versa. It is really hard to connect.

My first anecdote is that one man who last time constantly winked and emailed me, and who had tried to meet me with me twice, but who both times backed out at the last minute, has been emailing and winking at me again. And my profile hasn't been up for even two days! After the second time he backed out on me, I started ignoring his messages. This time I might just block him.